Gray or Red?
by alekat9395
Summary: Calleigh is lost without Tim. Answer to MiamiFicTalk Prompt Challenge.


Gray or Red?

By: Alekat

Rating: FRT

Classification: Angst

Content Warning: Lots of angst and anger.

Spoilers: Lost Son

Pairing: SC

Feedback: Always welcomed

Disclaimer: CBS, creators, producers, etc., own all recognizable characters, not me; I'm just borrowing them.

Challenge Fic #1

Prompt Word: #1 – Colorless

Word Count: 1381

Summary: Calleigh is lost without Tim

………….

It has been an exhausting night. My nerves are frayed. My heart is broken. How do I get up and go forth? How am I supposed to continue without my other half? My soulmate. The one person who understands me and loves me without fail. I can't, that's how. The tears won't stop. My hands are trembling so that I cannot manage to pull on these stupid panty hose. Frustration gets the better of me and the hose end up across the room.

"Damn you, Tim! Why? You promised!" I rail to the heavens. But no one is listening. My heart is breaking and there's no one to hear it. "You're gone!" Footsteps alert me to someone coming down the hallway. I swipe at the tears. I don't know why, they won't stop.

"Calleigh, sweetheart?" I hear Alexx call out to me. She's been so strong for me when I know her heart's breaking almost as much as mine.

She opens the door, hesitantly and I motion her in. "Do you need me to help you with anything?" She's so sweet to me. Her motherly instincts took over the moment she finished her autopsy. I know it must have been difficult for her to have to do the necessary procedures required by the state when a death occurs of a violent nature. Her first instinct is to open the blinds in the bedroom that you and I used to share. The light from outside causes her to squint but I remain unfazed. Since that moment when I walked into that jewelry store day before yesterday my world has been colorless, just like a black and white movie.

It's hard to believe but you, my love, were the color in my life. Without you there's no light shining to bring out life's vibrant colors. To me, the bright blue sky is just a dull shade of gray. The flowers we planted together along the walkway are in full bloom but when I passed them yesterday there was no color left. The once magnificent yellows, reds, and purples have all faded to gray. Faded like the bloodstains on the floor surrounding your body. Faded like my heart that once beat strong.

"Calleigh, baby?" Alexx puts a gentle hand on my shoulder. "Let's get you ready." She finds my discarded stockings and helps me pull them on my feet. I take over and manage to get them in place and smooth my skirt down over my legs. "Now which shoes do you want?" Alexx asks. My words are gone. Just like the color.

"I'll just find some for you." Alexx finally gives in and finds a pair of black low-heeled pumps. She slips them on my feet one by one and then takes my hand and says, "Let's get going, baby. Horatio is waiting to take us to the chapel."

…………………..

The ride to the chapel is silent. I look around at everything we are passing but I don't really see a thing. All I see are the tears. The normally blue Atlantic Ocean is as gray and colorless as my soul. It's all your fault Tim. I begged you, Horatio ordered you and yet you still didn't clean your gun. It was the simplest thing. I even tried to get you to do it together with me but no! You said you loved me. You said we would be together forever but you didn't clean your damn gun now I'm stuck here alone. Alone in this cold gray world.

The chapel is filled to overflowing when we arrive but I know there is one seat vacant. Alexx directs me to the row just behind your parents. They have been very kind to me, Tim. Even though you and I never told them of our relationship. Your mother was astute enough to piece together my reaction at the wake. The team hovering around me. Those on the force who knew of our relationship were kind enough to express their condolences to me as well as your parents. I wish we had taken the time to go visit them. Your brother didn't make the trip with them. He was too upset, your mother told me.

My words may be failing me but my tears are not. I can't stop the crying. It's an endless well. You were right, all those times when we were watching movies and I cried, when you said I have an endless well of tears. I can hear your soft 'I told you so' in my head as the priest leads the procession from the church.

Alexx and Horatio guide me to the Hummer. I hate riding in the Hummer without you. It was once a bright shade of gray but now it's more of a dull, gunmetal gray. The way the rest of my life will no doubt be. Colorless, without you.

"Calleigh?" Alexx calls my name softly but it echoes off the interior of the Hummer. I remember the last time I rode in this Hummer. She and I rode to the jewelry store together. I remember walking in the doors and seeing Horatio kneeling next to your cold, lifeless body, drained of all color. "Calleigh, sweetheart? Are you okay?" Alexx's words break a barrier and I am consumed by my anger and lash out at my friend.

"I'M FINE ALEXX!! FINE!" And that's when I find my color again. Red. No longer will my life be colorless. My tears are finally gone. It's an immediate response. No more tears. I will not cry for you again. "I'm sorry Alexx. I didn't mean to snap at you."

"It's okay, honey." She soothes. Her hand in mine but I can't hold on. I let go and tell her..

"No, it's not okay! Dammit all to hell! He did this! It's all his fault! Why did he have to go into that jewelry store?! Why did he have to pull his gun?! He knew the damn thing was dirty!"

Horatio stops my rant with just a whisper. "Calleigh, it wasn't Tim's fault."

Well! That's just fine! Saint Horatio has spoken! "No, Horatio! It's my fault! I should have stopped him! I knew he wasn't cleaning his gun." My anger is spilling forth now, in bright reds, greens, yellows and blues, "Or maybe it's even your fault! You knew he didn't maintain his gun properly! Hell fire, Horatio! You bought him that damn gun cleaning kit but you never once asked him if he used it!" I know I shouldn't be yelling at Horatio especially since he's the one driving but I'm mad. I'm mad at you, Tim. I'm mad at the man who shot you. I'm mad at Horatio for not covering your ass, or in this case you're front. I'm just mad at the world.

"Calleigh, sweetie, Tim wouldn't want you getting this upset." Alexx tries to calm my temper but only succeeds in infuriating me more.

"Alexx, do you really believe that?!" My outburst is uncalled for and I'm immediately contrite, "I'm sorry, Alexx. But Tim knew exactly what he was doing every time he strapped that gun on."

"Yes, Calleigh. He did." Horatio speaks quietly, "He made a mistake. It's okay to be mad."

"Gee thanks, Horatio. I'm glad I have your permission." My sarcasm fills the interior of the Hummer and we are quiet the rest of the way to the cemetery.

I step out of the Hummer with Horatio's help and follow along behind your parents and the casket securely between Horatio and Alexx. Eric tries to get my attention but I can't look at him. If I do, I'm afraid I might lose my tentative grip on my reality. My outburst in the Hummer has drained me and I am numb. I listen as the priest performs the last rites and the casket team from the force folds the American flag. I hear a Sargent from the precinct tell her that it is in honor of your service to the great state of Florida. The seven men lined up to our left lift their rifles and fire off three successive rounds but I'm unfazed. My anger is gone and now so is my color.

Thanks Tim for sentencing me to a colorless life.

The End.


End file.
